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Who Knew? The Universe totally knew!

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I am laughing at myself reading my previous post (with some pride as well) that I was leaning into the discomfort of the unknown.  About 2 weeks after that last cryptic post, I sent this email out: ...I am applying to be an educator at your wonderful school. I love all the ways your program fully embraces the idea of connection and community. Your learners not only get to experience exploring the land, but care for it, planting and harvesting, then sharing these gifts with communities in need. After being an elementary special education teacher for 15 years back in NYC and a part time outdoor play facilitator for 5 years, your program is my dream environment in which to teach.   Attending the Reaching Nature Connection Conference in 2015 (hosted by the Academy of Forest Kindergarten Teachers) profoundly changed the way I view my role as an educator. Being confined to the four walls of my special education classroom, this outdoor learning opportunity literally opened the door...

All this to say

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 Whew, it's been about a year and we are still here. Too many painful losses from the past year but I promise to remember and hold them in my heart always.   I'm here because I'm about to start something new. Not quite defined but feels right. Like I'm entering a tunnel but know it's the right one to enter still unsure of the otherside. Or this memory I have where I was skiing down a mountain and I was literally in the clouds, couldn't see what was in front of me and yet! I felt such thrill! I think I was about 12 or 13. I wonder if I was older I would be worried about crashing into a tree or a person? Somehow I knew the way down because I had gone down the path before, but this time I had to go blind. And it was a thrill. I might be going down that hill "again". I might crash? But it just feels right. I'm excited for the process even though I am so unsure of where it will lead. At my age, I thought I would be comfortable in an okay job, awaiting r...

Day -39/-20: Possum mode

39 Days to Election Day 20 Day until Early Voting starts in NC I'm in possum survivor mode today (also last Monday). When I read this years from now, I wonder if I'll know what cryptic meaning I meant. Good luck, future me!

Will we make it?

 *Less than 50 days to election day* Often times these days, when I come across the news, I wonder, will we even make it to January if we actually kick that fascist racist clown out of office? Like literally, I am wondering will we be alive then. Even if he loses - and the idea that he even has a chance of winning is terrifying - we are at a point that it won't be a surprise if he just burns the whole thing down with him. That's where we are.

September 11 Memories

*54 Days to Election Day*   We can’t say “never forget” without also sharing what we remember.  This is how we form that collective memory to ensure we won’t ever forget. Tell your story. I want to know - where were you that day? What do you remember?   Every September 11, since that first one, I always reflect on the lives lost, but also where I was and where my family was that day. Before this year, I thought it was self-indulgent to share where I was, what I remembered since I didn’t lose anyone directly. This makes no sense, because when others share what they remember from that day, I am riveted and not once think of their sharing of memory is self-indulgent at all. We need to share these things, every year, again, and again because if we stop sharing, we start forgetting.

Memory is a Funny Thing

Something I wrote almost 30 years ago: December 1994  I think the events that unfolded today is the culmination of the hopes and desires I’ve had for years - hopes and wants that I’ve only come to realize in the last year.  I am so happy knowing people whose beliefs I’ve admired. The start of being a part of a community of thinkers and activists is thrilling. Knowing artists who are aware of their importance to spread awareness of issues that affect the Filipino community - the Filipino people who search for a home and identity.  It is so amazing.  It inspires me to continue searching for my identity and defining my art, my story. I love that I can discuss issues that affect me and express it in a creative way.  Events like tonight are an absolute necessity not just to educate people outside of the community but uncaring and desensitized unaware Filipinos that I have grown up with.

Day 127: I'm all over the place.

I think this will be the last day I include the Day in the blogpost title. We're not really in strict quarantine anymore although we are social distancing and wearing masks out in public. There is still no vaccine nor significant federal leadership happening as yet. Maybe I should start counting down to election day. Or inauguration day aka possibly (not so far from reality, sadly) "oust that guy" day. All this to say, 2020 still sucks, more losses of folks that should still be here, more tears shed, more anxiety that sees no end. Still,  feeling deep gratitude of the fact that my family and I are as healthy and safe as can be during these uncertain times.